i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
