you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
