I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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