I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
