I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
