using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
