just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
