I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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