Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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