i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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