my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just pynch a tree in the face
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
