I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
pray to the hookup gods
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
