Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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