He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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