Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
