Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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