Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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