I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
