this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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