my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
