I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
