those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
