Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize