just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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