yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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