I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
