so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
