Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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