I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
