did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
