Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
