The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
