Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
