found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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