dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
