just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
