There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
