i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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