trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm sobbing to NWA
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
