to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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