1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dignity is for republicans.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
