She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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