Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
