I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
