dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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