It's like God shit irony all over that family
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
