Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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