sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
