I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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