i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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