I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
