Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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