im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
