sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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