Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
