I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
