where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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