I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she peed on how many people?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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