Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize