If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
