I want to walk on stilts...naked
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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