my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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