yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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