i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
COCAINE IS GR8
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize