if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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