I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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