i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pants are for mortals
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
