Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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