My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's always time for handjobs
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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