i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
