I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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