At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
