she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize