First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
