someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
