I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
