if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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