I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
