I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize