haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
