Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
