I am in a vortex of obligation.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
