I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
