So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
