she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
