he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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