She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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