He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
