this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize