so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
