He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
