its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
